Editing Lost Without Words

''by [[Jackson Temple]]''

Looking at the looming shelves and racks of clothing, I was terrified. My one security in this overwhelming place was gone; I had lost my mother. Panic set in as my tongue moved to form the words “Mom! Where are you?” but nothing came out. The words were stuck.

One of the most fundamental parts of life, no matter the country, language, or culture—is speaking; The simple act of effective communication with other human beings. A stutter has impacted my ability to establish that simple connection with people. Many others I have known with a stutter hide behind it, afraid of that moment. Being stuck.

Throughout my life the expectation has been to live behind my stutter. While it has shaped me in many ways, I refuse to let it hold me back. I remember my parents wanted to send me to a summer camp with other stuttering children. My refusal was surprising to them, but it simply was not how I saw myself. I resented the idea that I couldn’t function normally. Instead, I discovered my own path through difficult situations. 

So, I ran through the store, tears forming in my eyes as desperation rose in my throat. I frantically checked empty aisle after empty aisle, until she suddenly appeared around the corner, and I was reunited with her. I had to achieve my goal in a different way, but I still fought through the adversity before me. That theme has persisted throughout my life. Simple interactions like ordering at a restaurant or checking out at a store continue to be difficult; they require intentional and meaningful effort.

The inability to effectively communicate with words has led me to be expressive in other ways. Playing tennis for the last 9 years has given me an outlet for emotion and passion. Especially in times when words simply don’t encapsulate feeling enough. Writing was a skill that my parents encouraged me to pursue. I find my ability to write concisely gives me comfort, even when my voice fails. Beyond that, poetry is a consistent medium a I use to vent and process the emotions I experience.

Life has centered around developing confidence and enabling myself to function despite my stutter. Finding, applying for, and working at a job, has significantly tested my confidence in this area. Working in food service has led to constant interactions with strangers where quick, clear communication is required. My coworkers, while all kind, were intimidating at first, but I refused to let myself become ostracized. Through these interactions my confidence has grown. Every day is still an opportunity to improve and a chance to learn. I actively choose to fight through the disadvantages, and intentionally learn as a result of them. I am determined to see and live outside the box, and even though it is not easy, I can always depend on those around me who hold my best interests at heart.
[[Category:Essays]]