Editing Porkypines (section)

=== Anatomy of a Porkypine ===


The Porkypine is a smallish creature, usually no taller than your due dates. On its back, it has 3,000,007 Spines. Each spine is equipped with a potent venom that causes procrastination. They also are able to shoot their spikes as well. Using a process called Pherical Hormone Tendril Octanes Ordering, or PHTOO, The Porkypine draws air in through a small vent next to a spine’s base, and compresses it under the spine, eventually leading the dislodging of the spine at high velocity towards an unsuspecting victim.

(see fig. 1)
[[File:Fig.1.png|alt=diagram of a porkypine spine (fig. 1)|none|thumb|692x692px|''fig.1'']]

The head of the Porkypine is another fascinating part of the creature. In the year 2015, a team of dedicated scientist caught a live Porkypine and were able to study it in captivity. Through careful research, many stunning discoveries were made.<ref name=":0" /> 

One of the first things studied were the eyes. Though careful, dangerous, and often painful research, a stunning conclusion was made. In Andrew Maust’s original work, it was claimed that the Porkypines had laser eyes. This is, in fact, not true. Based on Tests and observations of a close-up captive Porkypine, we now know that a Porkypine does NOT have laser vision, But Plasma Vision. Although inherently more terrifying for the common crowd, Plasma vision is a possibility with the Porkypine, whereas Laser vision, given the Porkypine’s biological qualities, is not.


The plasma vision is caused by a mixture of chemicals with unreasonably long names. Two different Chemicals are kept in balloons under the Porkypine’s brain. For simplicity’s sake, we will refer to them as chemicals A and B. When the Porkypine decides that it’s time to light em’ up, valves in the balloons open, allowing chemicals to flow down small channels. Each chemical flows in a separate channel, all of which opens out into a main channel. The chemicals do not react to each other at this stage, and carry on to a third balloon. This balloon is surrounded by special smooth muscles that constantly contract and expand, causing the balloon to vibrate madly. This mixes the chemicals, which form a new mixture, which we will call chemical C. After being mixed, the chemical flows down another channel leading to the eye. There, the chemicals react with ectoplasm in the eye to make a fourth mixture, chemical D, or liquid plasma. The plasma is now dangerous, but still a slow-moving mass. It then moves on to a series of concentration cells in the eye, which pushes the plasma forward, faster and faster. Finally, an opening in the Retina of the eye concentrates it to a fine beam, which blasts out, ready to vaporize. This fine beam of plasma could easily be mistaken for a laser. (See diagram B)
[[File:Diagram B.png|alt=diagram of a porkypine's plasma vision (diagram B)|none|thumb|381x381px|''diagram B'']]
Next, the dedicated team of scientist investigated the idea of acid spit. Using high-tech lab gear such as lasers, robots, and M&Ms, the team successfully concluded that the saliva of the Porkypine is acidic. Unfortunately, the team was unable to determine what caused the acidity or what safeguarded the Porkypine from it.



However, the most important and interesting part of the research was with its brain. Not the functions of it, but the motives for it. What makes the Porkypine evil? Unfortunately, this, too, was impossible to find out. Some suggest that they are controlled by [[Zer0]], while others claim that they only use their spikes in defense. Neither is likely to be true. What possible reason could Zer0 have for Brittney Spear’s success, and what type of defense would be terrifying enough to send Waldo into hiding? No, the Porkypine’s motives lay with the Porkypine, but science can never uncover the truth of this mystery.